Fish.

I have this fish, right.
I'm actually surprised I haven't written about him before, he's a frequent topic of conversation at home. The whole family hates him. I like him, but I'm the only one....

He's a Zebra danio. His names either Bikebits, Gertrude, Rectum, Steven or ... or... I can't remember the last name. There was 5, and they all looked the same so I don't know which one he is.

Over the past... god, how many years now? Like 6 years? I have had a total of 10 zebra danios, buying them in sets of 5. After the first 4 died, I bought another 5. I named the second 5 Pinky, Ring, Middle Index and Thumb. I also bought three sucky fish at that time, two with brown spots and one orange one...

All have died except this ONE fish. Its from the first 5, I know. Because its bent, like. Its a corner shaped fish. I don't know what happened, because it bent gradually over time....
I'm beginning to suspect he may very well be a psycho serial killer murderer fish. I mean. That is 11 deaths. On one day, 4 died at once. Not even joking.
The three sucky fish just disappeared, I never saw what happened to them. Never saw them again. No note, no ransom, no bodies, no nothing.

The others died off one by one. Until there was only him and one other fish left. Another danio. I felt sorry for it as time went on, because Mr Bent was such a bully. He was always being horrible to the poor surviving fish....
One day I could only find one fish. The bent one. I looked for a long time to find his friend, and couldn't see it anyone, I suspected another disappearing act.
About a week after that I discovered the body.... It's eyes had been eaten by snails... So tragic....
The body was wedged into a hole in a rock in the tank. Like. Face first, squashed into a tiny little hole.
How the F?
Just like what?

It either swam in there, REALLY HARD and got stuck (and probably got brain damage at the same time, hitting the end of the hole). Or the bent fish murdered it and rammed its lifeless body in there to hide the evidence.

Anyway, his life is miserable now. He lives alone, because I refuse to by him anymore friends. He's been alone for a long time now, and he just WONT DIE.

Adorable dresses

So,  I'm trying this new thing where I actually DO something creative each weekend. Last weekend I finished my most recent painting, this weekend I'm making my GORGEOUS cousin a pretty little dress for her to flounce around in over summer.
Although, there wont be much flouncing, since she's only just recently turned 1 year old. She'll probably wreck the dress learning to walk, or crawling through some mud, or vomiting on it, or peeing in it, or one of the many other clothes-ruining baby traits.

Either way, I'm expecting a photo of her wearing it BEFORE it's destroyed - I will inform the mummy that this will be the payment. A pretty photo of my master piece dress. Considering the fact that I only started on it about half an hour ago, its not really a dress yet. I'll load a pic when its done!
It's going to be so cute. Like, adorable to the point of spontaneous combustion. The photo is of the fabric, and its cute. My cats on my bed cheering me on, admiring my work (in his sleep. Hes very affectionate in his sleep). His names Munta.

Also, my painting from last weekend. If you wanna see more of my paintings, then HERE

Oreos

I know that it's been a little wee while since my last post, and by that I mean probably over a month ago - which is pretty bad, even for me - so I guess I'd better get my A into G and type some shit stuff out for you guys to read.

Today, whilst at work, I was carrying a bottle of conditioner and the lid came off - this is like a 1L bottle, its friggen HUGE - and it fell to the floor and bounced twice before it finally tipped over onto the carpet.
On each bounce, a massive splash of conditioner flew out and covered as much as it could. . .
Thankfully, none of it landed on me, because if it had I'd have looked like a low class hooker. It was gooey white stuff. Not solid white either, it was half transparent which is even worse!
It got on two boxes, 7 packets of socks (thankfully, they were wrapped in plastic), the leg of some jean and the carpet.... ALOT went on the carpet.
That was my FML of the day, cause it took ages to wash off my hands after cleaning up - you know when you get something on your hands and it feels like slime? it was like that.
Like picking up eels, it was like a layer of eel slime. Has anyone done that?

Eels are really weird to pick up.
OH YEAH. That reminds me of my dream last night! (not the eels, it was the spermy conditioner that reminded me).
I had a penis! In my dream last night I had a HUGE penis!!!! I wasn't a boy, I was me... but with a penis.... and it was normal, like nothing seemed out of the ordinary - nobody commented on it, even though I was naked. Just what?
Like, what was I thinking when I fell asleep that made me imagine myself in a world where me having my massive penis out in public is okay??

I've decided on my reason for not writing out many posts recently. I was too busy having too much spare time. I never have much to say when I have alot of time on my hands.
Also I've eaten like 10 boxes of oreos in the past 2 weeks. They are amazing!
Im making up for lost time, since I never had them when I was a little kid. They are a recently discovered delicacy in my life. . .

Sets of three

When people say "bad things come in threes!" they are right, in a sense. Since bad things are happening continually all the time, then sure; you could group those into sets of three if you'd like. If dividing up the crappy stuff makes you feel like theres less of it then sure;  go for it! Can you then group the groups together after - 'bad things come in three groups of three!'

I guess that could be interpreted differently though. It COULD mean that there is three sub-groups of bad things; like categories. The Crap, the Shit and the Fuck my life. Although, the lines between these groups would be incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to define because everyone will view a bad situation in a different light!
One person getting they're arms chopped off might think its a tragedy! Yet a completely different person may think its alright - maybe the arms they lost were covered in hideously ugly moles (not that I think moles are ugly...)

DENTIST

I can't stand going to the dentist!
I think I must have inherited this of my mum, because she hates it too. Like, I know everyone hates the dentist, but we do more than your everyday person. .
But you see, I don't hate the dentist for the dental work. That parts actually not too bad, I hate it because of the needles!
UGH. NEEDLES.

Yesterday I got two fillings - I was being brave going in there all by myself, not even crying. I wasn't shaking. I wasn't awkwardly smiling (does anyone else do that? When your scared you can't stop smiling?). I just walked in, told the reception lady I was there and she said to take a seat.
I had just settled down to wait, with a nice magazine article about gay marriage, and then the nurse steps out;
"Georgia?"
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
I got into the torture chamber, and freaked out. It wasn't my dentist. Not MY dentist. Some other scary random dentist man that I didn't know. I've had the same dentist for a few years now - I like him. He talks, he makes jokes, and he tells me what he's doing and what to expect. I had my check up with him, and I WANTED MY FILLINGS DONE WITH HIM. He told me at the check up that he would try not to use the back needle (the one that goes in the very back of your mouth, and is SCARY).
So, I sit in the chair. Mentally telling myself "its okay, he wont be a ruthless bastard that wants to jab holes all over you".

I started building the new dentist-patient relationship. I talked alot. He was nice, he had a look in my mouth, then said to the nurse "Okay, can you pass me a top and a back". And It dawned upon me that he was talking about needles. A BACK?? Oh no.

Oh no Oh no Oh no!!!
So I said "Oh.. Id hoped you wouldn't have to use that one... can you like, warn me when your going to... do it?"
So he agreed. And said he'd do it now. And I was like WHAT? Do what now??? WHICH NEEDLE NOW???
He said "I'll do the back one now, get the worst over with first". uufhdao;sbljvcxzlkbnv cv,.l;vsd
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So he did. It was okay. It did hurt, but not as much as my reaction implies it did. I have no idea why I'm so scared of needles, logically they really don't hurt as much as most things. Its just... the IDEA of them is so... horrible.
After the first one was over I wasn't really worried about the next. He did it, it stung a little, it was okay. But I must have been alot more anxious than I thought I was, because as he pulled the second needle out he was telling me about rinsing my mouth out I think - I don't know. I wasn't hearing him, all I could hear was ringing. Then I started feeling really sick, and shaking alot and the dentist told me I went really pale all of a sudden. He made me lie down with my knees up (like an idiot) for 5 minutes, so I didn't faint.
I HATE NEEDLES.
Is this the new thing?? The last time I had an injection I fainted, and this time I would have had I not already been lying down!
UGH. FML.

World rape

If it's considered rape when somebody has sex with you without your consent; then when the world FUCKS PEOPLE OVER and in no means whatsoever is it consensual I would definitely call that rape.
I mean, the world is far bigger, stronger, and more powerful than any of us individually so yeah; It just rapes whoever is pleases whenever it pleases.

Often it's raping many people at once - simply because the world is a greedy selfish bastard of a thing that enjoys tipping peoples lives upside down and watching as they drown in they're own misery while is FUCKS THEM. It gets off on it - just like many other rapists out there.

But you know what, the world even rapes the rapists sometimes (chucking them in jail and whatnot), so its far worse than your general everyday rapist. It is one cruel, evil, sadistic planet.

And you know what else?
There is absolutely NOTHING we can do about it.
If the worlds like "hey, I haven't had all that much non consensual sex recently - oh look! Theres a person! Lets go ruin they're life. I'm not even going to wear protection" then there is literally nothing you can do.

Even is its not rape, its got to be some kind of sexual assault.

Now, I don't often type out blog posts that have this level of... angst... in them, so consider it a privilege that you're reading this before I delete it (presuming I do delete it).

nightmare - cutting people in half

Okay, so this morning I awoke in amazement. It seems that the level of disgust that my nightmares give me has risen again. I honestly didn't think my brain was this twisted to even come up with this stuff - let alone come up with it in detail and play it like a movie inside my head.
Like, seriously? Am I harboring a psycho killer in my mind, or what??

Last night I dreamt (I can't believe I'm telling you);

I can't remember all the details... You know how dreams skip bits.
Well, there was a murderer in the building (idk what building it was, I think it was supposed to be my house? but it was massive, with lots of hidden doorways that people can jump at you from).
He was roaming around, preying on young women (which there seemed to be an abundance of in my house). He attacks with a syringe filled with some seriously powerful pain med - considering what he does, it must be RIDICULOUSLY strong -  He would drag them off to his chosen room of torture, and then suddenly they would be ripped in half.
I wish I could say he just wanted a collection of ripped in half bodies, but no... he didn't...
I don't know what he did with the bottom half, because thats never seen again.... but he then proceeds to HAVE SEX WITH the mangled top half. Like. It would be like him having sex with mince that has shoulders and a face.

And get this, the women are STILL ALIVE when he does this.

Yup. I think this one even tops the one with the clown that dragged primary school kids into the attic to eat them.

I am disgusting.

Vacuum strikes again

The work vacuum cleaner is a bastard - shall we do a quick revision for those who haven't followed the progressive decent of my personal relationship with this horrible machine?
Okay!
It's got an incredibly abusive nature, and despite all attempts, it seems unable to listen to reasoning. Nor will it accept bribes. All efforts to enlighten its world of viscous savagery have failed.
As I am aware, it has nothing that we could use to blackmail it into being ... tolerable.
It has caused me a plethora of physical and emotional damage.

Just recently, it was torn to pieces but another staff member. I have already described this incident in a previous post - but if you wish to read it, I warn you that its pretty gory and upsetting to see.

Anyway, considering that it was me who put the unreasonable sadist back together, it still wont give me a break. It has now discovered a new way to hurt me.
It pulls out my hair.

Im aware that the picture is terrible, you can only JUST see the hairs - but you'll have to excuse that. It was ... 'difficult' to take a picture of my hair stuck there while my manager was standing next to me. She wouldn't understand. SHE doesn't have to do the vacuuming.

Reflections

As much as I should really be taking time to reflect on my life, I'd rather take time to admire the reflections of the brilliant view this morning.

'Eye' am a cyclops

Obviously, I had some spare time. This is a picture I took on my phone, and I was looking at it this morning thinking that maybe you devoted readers might like a peek. Now, I know it doesn't make sense for a cyclops to have a right eye in the middle of his face, so I should have made the eye lashes go all the way across, but when I painted it there was no intention of playing Cyclops City.
Nor was there any intention of me painting a matching left eye.

I might also point out, for those of you who don't know, that this is not a picture of me (well, it's my arm). I do not have a penis  - not when I last checked anyway - or short hair, or facial hair. Although you can't see the facial hair right now on this handsome gentleman, I assure you its there. It's there and its prickly.

I might also point out that the white floral metal parts in the background are NOT my choice of bed frame. I simply came home one day and my bed had been replaced. I think the reason it happened whilst I was out, is because deep down mum knew that I wouldn't like it. She also painted my walls white and gave me a black, white and red duvet cover... ugh.
But I guess I can't be bitter for ever - that was like 2 years ago. We don't even live in that house anymore. The bed will always remind me though....

Vacuum fatality

I once said I would strangle the vacuum cleaner at work. Apparently I wasn't the only one bearing ill feelings towards that little bastard. Although I had (frequently) dreamed about it's demise, tearing it limb from limb was too violent for my tastes. Its sabotage remains a mystery, and I can safely say there is more that one person here who qualifies for a valid suspect.

It had been patched up terribly. When I went to use it, I was pulling it along thinking how remarkably light it was - maybe it was on a new diet? - when I turned to see I was just carrying its disembodied tube.
The poor thing was a mess.
A mess that it RIGHTFULLY DESERVED. But a mess none the less.

After I used my highly qualified medical skills, it was looking much better (as you can see), and it may yet live to see another day. That is, if someone doesn't torch it or drown it while Im on my weekend.
I can't honestly say I would miss it, if I came back to find it a puddle of melted plastic.

Beaten black and blue

You know those bruises that arent bruises?
The ones that hurt SO MUCH but you can't see them? Or they show up after a few days, but they're actually really small?
I've got those. Last night I was trying to look somewhat dignified while I was taking my jeans off, because no matter how you do it, you ALWAYS look like a spaz while your taking jeans off.
I almost succeeded too, but one of the legs got caught on my foot at the last moment, and I pulled my leg out from under me and went face first into the bed. I managed to right my balance by accidentally slamming both my for arms into the metal framing of the edge of the bed.
So my arms and my face slowed my fall, and I got two massive hidden bruises up my arms! Luckily, my face was spared too much damage. The colour of the bruises wont show up (well. My right arm has a faint purple look about it), but the swelling bloody well showed up!
I HAD BALLOON ARMS.

Anyway, I have these weird bruises on my shins too, but I haven't a clue to save myself on how I got them. Ill I know is they hurt, and I look like a pansy with no pain tolerance if I complain.
So I suffer in silence.

CRASHED MY CAR

So yesterday I was in an incredibly serious car crash - I'm amazed Im still alive. I should be wrapped head to toe in bandages, with tubes out my arms and pain meds in my system.
I had just arrived at home, and pulled into the driveway when I realized that all the builders were still here. Id wanted to sit back and relax, maybe read a bit, eat some cookies, drink ginger beer.. But I didn't want to spend my time with the hammering and drilling. WHO can read to that?
It would interrupt every sentence you read!
"And thats when the BANG mail arrived. The postman BANG BANG was a huge fat man, BANG with a giant mustBANGache. It was as long as he was BANG.. as long as he was tall, and dragged on the BANG floor while he searcBANG BANG. Dragged on the... on the floor while he BANG... while... he... Where was I up to?"

Anyway, so I reversed out the drive way, and realised -  where am I even going to go now? So I pulled over to choose my next destination. Unfortunately I pulled over into a tree. My brain was off dancing with fairies somewhere, leaving me to fend for myself, so I crashed.
I had that dumb expression on my face - an 'o' for a mouth and wide eyes.
I felt like suuuuch and idiiioooooottttt..
My car was OKAY. I guess. His poor indicator was smashed and a little bit of the pink  was smashed too!!!! But its not very noticeable.
I taped it back together :)
Good as gold now!

The tree got out of it with minor scratches. Bastard.

Sleep

So last night, I thought I did alot. I went out and got ingredients for a late dinner, then made it, I had two glasses of wine, watched some episodes of bleach. To me it felt REALLY late when I was super tired, and dragged myself to bed. Turns out it was 9.30.

Now, I know that I'm a sucker for sleep anyway, but being sick is just making it all backwards. This morning I got up at 8:20. Yesterday I woke up at 10 to 7am, then tried falling back asleep and couldn't.
I've always been a person to try stick to my '8 hours sleep a night' rule, and fretted about it if I lost some of my precious Z's...
But I'm usually capable of staying up late if I want.
But this cold! Man! It really takes it out of you!
I've been completely exhausted since like Tuesday, and want sleep ALL THE TIME. But since I couldn't take any time off work, I couldn't sleep off the sickness, so now I'm stuck with it.
I slept so much this weekend, and even now that my sunday (your saturday) is drawing to a close, Im STILL exhausted.
I feel even more so, if thats possible. This bloody cold is like a leech that lives in my stomach, and eats all the nutrients and sugars and carbs and ANYTHING that might possibly give me energy to make it through the day without certain death. That, and the leech makes my nose run, my head hurt and makes me cough (somehow)!

And then theres work tomorrow...
How will I even make it through that??
SOMEBODY gouge my eyes out, so I can't even have a hope of serving customers because they will be so disgusted at the state of my gore covered face that they will all run screaming, then the company will go under because there wont be any customers. I mean COME ON. Is this what its come to?

Maybe I should just break and arm or something.
Oooh or a leg, that way I can't walk around at work. With a broken arm she might still make me work - I mean, most people could work somewhat sufficiently with one hand.

Whimper*
Life's so hard..

Dream time

Last night, I had a DREAM.
Thats right folks! A dream! Not a nightmare!
It was just as messed up as my nightmares, but it wasn't BAD. It was good. Almost.. plain.
My recollection may be missing details because as the day goes on, I tend to forget bits,

Well. I was at my friends house ... John*.
John was getting something from his bedroom, and I was looking at the extremely ridiculous amount of thermal tops in his room. Hundreds of them. Hung up, folded up, thrown over things, on the floor... All were white and short sleeved. When I asked him about it, he said he never wears any of them.
I blame work for this one, they were even the same brand and style as the ones at work.

Anyway, suddenly I wasn't there anymore. I was at my front door step, facing out towards the driveway.
I lived in an estate; all the houses were huge, pretty and expensive.
I was looking towards the house across the street, like I really needed to be there. So I walked towards the house, and up the drive, to the front door - but it wasn't a front door, it was like the wall was just not there. There was mosquito netting covering the whole wall, and I could see into the lounge.
In the lounge was about 5 people, who all looked almost exactly the same - barely any differentiation between male and female. All were staring at me.
One of the girls (I think) nodded towards a guy on the couch, who got up and walked over to the netting. It was john! He somehow materialized next to me, outside the netting.
He was like "what can I do for you?"
And I was like "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be here. I was just going to my letter box and... kept walking".
So he started showing me around his garden (no, that wasn't a metaphor. This is a PG dream guys).
During the grand garden tour, we started walking up this huge hill - which would be out of place in any other normal garden, but an estate garden shows no limits. It can be as big as it wants.
At the top of the hill was a base ball field. Sure.

I suggested he come to my house, so I can give him a tour too.
So down the hill and across the road we go. I don't actually remember what my house looked like, inside or out. But the garden at MY house was AWESOME.
It had a huuuuuge deck, and big outdoor table and chairs, with my whole family and all my friends - muffin and ba were both there - who were having a BBQ for breakfast (yup, it was breakfast time). They were cooking sausages. Then a bunch of my friends and I went along the bush walk, that followed a river, that was in my massive forest of a garden. And I was pointing out to them how the eels in the river were all rainbow coloured ... And they were. They also had like... hair styles... that flowed out behind them in the current.

I don't remember much more. Just that I smiled alot, and so did the people I was with.
All in all, it was a really good dream for me. I hope that doesn't mean that tonight will be 5 times as bad than usual to make up for it.

demolition and reconstruction

My bedroom is getting re-shaped.
I'd say its got a personal trainer at some jazzy gym, and its gonna be on an intense diet - like, NO CARBS, NO SUGARS, NO FUN.
But when the renovations are over, it will actually be shorter and wider. So its going on the standard See-Food diet. Its going to be like, twice the length - which is great, you know, but I did just try take furniture OUT of my room. I was trying to cut out all the unnecessary things I collect...
Guess I've got an excuse to go shopping.

I could get a TV for my room? I never saw the point in it because I don't actually watch TV much, and any movies I watch I can do so from the computer...
I could get a couch? But then, I have a bed. Whats the point in a couch? I can just sit on my bed.
I could get a mini fridge? I think that just means I'm lazy - can't even make it to the kitchen for milk.

Oooh I could get a BIGGER desk. I did only just get this one I'm using now (like, I got it a month ago), but it is very small... If I had a bigger desk, then I wouldn't use my bed for painting (in theory. I am used to painting on that angle).

I could get a large ornamental object. Its sole purpose would be to collect dust. Like, a wooden sculpture of a sea horse thats 2m high by 1m wide and deep. Stick it right in the middle, and paint it ROYGBIV.

Maybe I could just... fill the extra space with a patterned rug.

I drew a map out of it. Its actually pretty accurate - thats what my bed looks like (or will look like when I put my new WINTER duvet cover on it, one that has NO paint on it so far). Thats the patterned rug. And the beige in the corner will be my new BIG corner desk. The rainbow squiggle is my seahorse sculpture. The blue green line at the top will be my feature wall - Im still deciding on the colour. I've had teal as a FW before, and loved it, but shouldn't I try something different? I've had red too (not my choice, the room was already painted when we moved in.. I'd NEVER choose red.

Uuum the wardrobe covers a whole wall cause Im not sure exactly where its going to be... The various line on the walls are either painting or windows.

OH CRAP. I didn't put my book case in it! Um. It can go where-ever my wardrobe isn't on that right hand wall. Maybe I should get a new book case - I have a few books that are getting a little crammed...

Been eating knives

SO, its been a little while since I wrote the famous words;
"Im sick, again"

You must admit, I have done pretty well for myself. Its been like, 2 months? Thats a pretty solid effort, considering my track record.
So far, its being exhausted, runny nose and sore throat. You see, over the past few days I've woken up with a sore throat - no big deal, maybe I was breathing through my mouth all night. Dry throat. It happens, right?
So I thought, whatever.
Now though, its plainly obvious that I've got a cold. A lame one. I've definitely had worse, but that doesn't mean this one doesn't suck anyway. My voice is starting to get warped - like, Im slowly becoming a man.
It's like I've sat at home and eaten 20 knives, then waited 15 minutes and thrown them up. Then repeated for 5 hours.

I blame work. I've been run off my feet (not literally, I'm still on my feet). When I got in today, I was like "I've got a cold!" and I got told "Your not allowed to have a cold. We're too busy".
Oh well, I guess thats that then, isn't it? No cold for me. Guess I'm cured.

Whats even more lame, is that even if I get worse it wont change a damn thing because work wont function if I take time off - I know that sounds really exaggerated, but I'm not even kidding.
My manager resigned, so the 2IC is filling in her place till head office gets off they're lazy asses and hire somebody. And you know what, Im filling in the 2IC position.
Not officially, of course. That would mean I have to get payed more. They've just shoved me into this slot cause nobody else at work is capable. LITERALLY nobody else can do it.
I feel like I'm doing my the jobs of two people at once - which is fine.
I can't use my lieu days, I can't take annual leave, I can't be sick.
HOW DO I ESCAPE?

painting

I haven't decided if I will keep these up... They're.. A bit weird. But hey. I guess I'll make up my mind, if I like 'em they'll be here in an hour, if I don't, they wont.

Theres a lot wrong with them - the legs are too long (by like ten miles) and they're wonky too. Plus, she's on a strange angle. Also, with the face, I did finish it, but .. I like the half finished version better.

Fabric paint fun

I said I would, so I did. 

Yamete kudasai!!

Ive recently bought some fabric pant.
Its been pretty cool, I've done Tib a top and myself too - I'm wearing it right now. I have a picture at home (I'm at Tibs right now, on Firefox because for some unknown reason internet explorer crashes everytime I click 'new post), and my camera is at home, regrettably.
Its an orange, cut in half, with a crown above it on the back of a long sleeved (L/S) charcoal top. I think it suits me 'cause I'm a queen ...
Kidding. Its 'cause I'm orange, and were pretty cool despite the fact that people think were lame from our weird hair.

Anyway, during the painting part of my ... painting. I was sitting with my top, with a magazine inside it (to prevent the paint from soaking through onto the front). I didn't, and rarely ever do, think to put down news paper on my white duvet cover to protect it from the numerous spills and splatters that accompany a painter in the 'zone'. Anyway, my white duvet cover is now splotched with red. And wouldn't you know it, it wont wash out. I guess thats what I get for painting with fabric paint, over fabric.
I watched the paint splatter off my brush like it was in slow motion, sailing towards the brilliant white. I thought PLEASE STOP! desperately towards it, but it didn't listen to me. It was determined to RUIN EVERYTHING.

But it doesn't really matter because I've already spilt a lot of paint on it before. In-fact, nearly every time I paint, my duvet gains a new souvenir. Only once this year have I thought to put down some kind of protection.... It was one sheet of new paper. I thought that was a solid effort, considering that all the way out in the wilderness and desolate area of Paremoremo we don't get a news paper. It took friggen ages to find it.

I will make a point to post a picture of my top when I get home am are re-united with my camera.

Nightmares - nuclear

I have written about my nightmares before - and as of late, I have been considering making part of this blog be devoted to just that. The crazy adventures of my sub-conscious.

A recent one, starred my best friend. Some know her as 'Ba'
She and I were shopping and we saw a whole van of TV presenters pull up in the car park outside.
Whats this? A chance at fame? A chance to show off our stunning beauty?
We we're game. We hung around, watching the goings-on...
The announcer was saying "and the nuclear explosion grounds for this TV show will be set in none other than our very own STILL WATER! Yes, thats right folks! That tiny piddly little suburban area that nobody ever seems to go to will be NUKED!"
As the crowd cheered, Ba and I stared at each other in horror - Tib lives in still water. Did the announcers bother to tell the inhabitants of piddlyville that they and they're beloved homes were to be burnt to dust?
We had to warn them!

So we ran to the nearest speedy looking car (a red convertible, naturally), leaped over the doors (the roof was open, naturally), turned it on (the keys were inside, naturally) and sped off towards our destination (the tank was full, naturally.
At some point, the road we were driving on had turned into a river, and we were on East Coast Road. We were drag racing a car full of drunken teenage idiots - for lols.
Suddenly, our friendly river dwelling killer whale bursts through the surface and plays smash-the-convertible-boat-into-the-riverbank, his favourite game, naturally. We played along for a little while, but he wasn't giving up, he wanted a full on game with all the rules. We didn't have time for this, radiation was about to be set loose!

I sacrificed myself, "Ba, just go. GO! Run and tell them, warn them of the impending danger! I'll deal with Mr Monochrome here, and you warn them!"
She threw herself out of the car, ran across the river and onto the riverbank (somehow), and all the drunken teens went with her. She ran towards the houses that seemed impossibly far away, she was never going to make it. WHAM. Killer whales weigh a similar amount and as a huge truck. My stolen borrowed sports car wasn't going to survive this ordeal. In case you haven't heard, they may be pretty cars but aren't the best when it comes to durability. Perhaps I should have taken a tank from the car park - I'm sure they were there, it was my dream, after all.

I watched her running towards the danger zone, as that horrible siren sounded.
You know what, Tibs alarm clock is that siren.
I open my eyes, and its time to get up. FXCK OFF.

Sister Admires me.

Okay, so, I actually have a tonne of useless junk to spill on here - but please excuse any typing errors, I'm not used to typing on Tibs stupid boring LAME dumb PC keyboard.

Okay, so as a start I guess I should say, my sister has started a blog (and has been relying one me, he gorgeous and perfect, loving sister) so show her how blogdom works. I mean, she hasn't written a post on it yet so far as I know. But whatever. Shes getting there.
I think I should give myself all the credit for her wanting a blog in the first place, she obviously admired my intense and interesting writing style and thought that maybe since were related that my spectacular talent might have rubbed off on her over the past 19 years that we've grown up together.

I guess we will have to watch and find out.
Take a squiz.

StupidGirlyStuff

P.S. To all of my pervy friends out there, don't you ditch my blog just 'cause you think my sisters a babe. And just to let you know, my mum has no intention of starting a blog. So just don't even consider it.

On a roll..

I figure I'm actually doing pretty well for myself - posting two days in a row. Its like I'm a blogging virgin all over again.
Anyway, nothing particularly exciting happened today - I made dinner. Perhaps this is why I'm typing again - I stopped making dinner for like a week and a half, and I also didn't go super market shopping, I didn't clean (much). I did almost nothing useful at all.
Now that I'm getting off my ass  back from my incredibly brief housewife holiday, I guess I should try and write more often.... no promises though. Everytime I promise to write more often I do the complete opposite and the creative side of my brain goes into hiding. Living off bugs and moss until it feels that its no longer under pressure.

Anyway, dinner tonight was very... quick. And boring. It was just a plain stir fry;
They were packet veges - So no cutting them up.
The meat was just bought - no defrosting.
The sauce came in the vege packet - no choosing which flavours.
No herbs, no spices, no salt, no pepper, no lemon juice (I love lemon juice), no rice, no noodles, no nothing. Just a 'chuck it in the pan' stirfry. I didn't even use the wok.
Its a pretty piss-poor dinner on my part.

Maybe I should do a roast this week to make up for it... Tomorrow I'm not making dinner because I'm OUT. Im going to a dinner party thingy for work to say good-bye to my manager who has just recently resigned. Cool. I'm not supposed to bring anything but a non alcoholic drink (me and the new girl can't drink cause were little kiddies (Well, that, and I'm driving)).
I believe there will even be desert. Maybe, just maybe, I will come home tomorrow and write a post about it.

The only thing is that I finish work at 5 tomorrow, just Im going with the ladies who finish at 5.30... What am I supposed to do? Sit in the car and twiddle my thumbs? NAH F THAT.

I bought ginger beer today. Believe it.

Way to get rich fast

If I had a dollar for every post I'd intended to write out - I'd be a bloody million trillion billionaire X ten thousand million hundred billion times!
I could make a living that would put the world into bankruptcy because my pay check each week would be way larger than the entire worlds economy put together multiplied by 50.

But you know what? This is one less dollar that I'll metaphorically earn.
I guess nows about the time I throw in my heart felt apology for being a slacker and not writing anything worth half a glance in the past few months. I know all you avid readers have been pulling your hair out in anticipation for a new post - one that will make your life worth living again, because we all know I am the reason for your existence.

I guess that would lead me to question my existence though - If I am the reason for all other living beings (yup, that means every single living person - including people in comas, babies who cant read, and blind people - read my blog) then whats the purpose of me living?
I guess so I can write to you guys.
I know. Im always making such huge sacrifices for you, you should really pay a little more respect and start sending me money. Maybe I should start an OJ bank account and make little reminders to you all that its always helpful to GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY.

Then again, I don't need money right now. Money shmoney. I've had enough of it!
What I need is something to stimulate my mind. Not a big fan of sudoku, so that wont help. Still fxcking suck on whatever I want to do with my fabulous life in the near distant or far distant future - so as much as I'd like to study, just fml. Put a really small gun inside my nose, and shoot a really small grenade into my brain and blow it into really small pieces.

Which makes me think - speaking of giving me all me all your money, I wish that my blown up brain was clever enough to write a blog that was thrilling enough to actually get me paid. That would be wickedly ideal. But I guess I'd have to extend my vocabulary and (somehow, if its possible) extend my imagination too.

Dinner

As of late, I have been making dinner every night I am home. Thats fine for me - I love a challenge :) Im getting pretty good, if I say so myself. Inventive. New ideas every night (but haven't done many roasts. They're still pretty damn scary!)

Anyway, I just wanted to come home from my long day at work and rest. Relax. NOT COOK.
So you know what? Nobody did. Dinner just didn't happen. The hours crawled on by, then my parents went to bed. No dinner. In the end I settled for two juicies and a handful of shapes (bacon and cheese MM).
Good enough for me.

Your a slacker mum! Get back to the kitchen!

painting for muffin

Happy flat warming present muffin! It took friggen ages, but looked alright in the end. I was eating chocolates during the painting - dropped one. It still tasted fine, it was wrapped so it was fine!

I have been sick these last few days - pretty horrible cold of some description. Couldn't really get off the couch much, just sat around. My Ta said to me just now "atleast you didn't get a fever... except maybe, Boogie fever". So lame.

Pavlova

We had a roast dinner the other night, with a pavlova as the finish. Mum happily said to me when I came home from work "You can decorate the pav If you want Ga!!"

You see, if I hadn't been working I probably would've been doing the whole dinner AND the pav, but since I was off slaving away somewhere else - mum had to get stuck in and do it herself.

Anyway, I did the pavs cream blue, and her face said "I regret giving you this task....". Mum hates blue, but I DONT CARE. It was blue cream with blue berries!

Tibs cake

Okay, I'm a bit slack that I haven't written about this yet - its been over a week! The companion cube cake was a success (not only did it look like the companion cube, its tasted like it it too!! Well. It tasted good. Thats close enough).
It seemed to be like the companion cube in every way... Square.... grey... weighted. The thing was bloody heavy!
We had some trouble with the icing slipping down the cake when it got too warm (hence in one of the photos two of the white parts are touching.... oops). The cake itself was layers of vanilla cake and strawberry cake. There was white chocolate and strawberry nesquick ganache holding it all together!
When I first typed ganache, I typed 'gnash', like how its pronounced. I was confused at first, because I KNEW that was the wrong spelling, yet spell check wasn't picking up on it....
I checked the computer dictionary, and gnash is when you grind your teeth together. Its an actual word.

How stupid.

This is the cakes WORST side, so please ignore the bad parts :) This photo is solely to show what it looked like in the inside!

The boy in the background is tibs brother. He loved the cake too.

At work

Cat breading

I have recently discovered 'cat breading', thanks to The Edge radio station., and figured;
Why not?
So I got my cats and subjected them to becoming 'indbread'.
Floss didn't seem to mind so much - she kept eating the crumbs.

Munta on the other hand, didn't appreciate it very much at all (as you can see by his I HATE YOU facial expressions in the below pic. He was confused at first - he kept trying to go back to sleep but didn't understand why he could feel something pressing against his face whenever he lay down.

Either way, it was a pretty messy experience - too many crumbs! 

I'm not going to try bread my labrador Sinny, you couldn't get the bread within a meter of his face before he'd leap at it and gobble it all up! 

Facepainting.

Oh yeah, form the other day that I talked about.
The teddy bears picnic was brilliant! I was painting straight from 9.30 until 1 - at one point I got up to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't walk properly because I'd been sitting in the exact same position for too long. And as I was walking to the bathroom, all the mothers in the face painting line were giving me dirty looks because I was making them wait longer to get they're kids faces done. WHAT BITCHES!
I got a few weird requests - my favourite was "I want to be a halloween pumpkin. A purple one".
I also got 'I want to be a blue cat'
'I want to be an octopus'
And like I got last year "I WANT TO BE A UNICORN". Like what? HOW? But this year I was prepared, I painted a unicorn on her face instead of making her one.
Anyway, I got lots of tigers, spidermans, flowers, only one batman and as per usual, I got ten thousand "I want to be a butterfly" - "what colour butterfly would you like to be?" - "PINK AND PURPLE" - "Would you like any glitter" - "PINK GLITTER".

I had some practice before hand, In Tibs face ..  :)

I also did I dragon, a fairy and a unicorn on his face, but for now I only have the tiger!

keyboard is FIXED

Okay, so I've been putting off a blog post (as usual, when I have nothing important to say) but this time its because I have recently broken the SPACE key in the keyboard... This was making it very difficult to type properly. You see, under the space key on my mac keyboard (mac! Whoooooooooooooohooo!) theres this little metal bar, that holds it onto the keyboard...
When I had the brilliant idea of cleaning my keyboard by pulling all the keys off, I broke the metal bar off it. This meant the space bar was very difficult to press.
If I wanted it to press space, I had to mentally prepare myself, then hit the keyboard. And, as you could imagine, that was INCREDIBLY annoying while I was typing out blog posts - considering I usually type quite fast, I just ignored my computer when it came to anything that required more that ten words.

Thankfully, I whined about this to my dad the other day, and he conveniently had another spare mac keyboard lying around the house - which is  even better than my last one! This ones FLAT.
When I used to live with dad I learnt to type brilliantly on these flat ones, they're so much easier.
The only thing is that if I grow my nails too long, then my fingers slip off the keys and I type with alot of extra letters than whats needed......

Either way, Im back now. I'll try to bully myself into writing about something thats remotely interesting - considering that my post had not point whatsoever.
Should probably get around to getting a new background sorted too. Im incredibly lazy (when Im not working my ass off doing other things).
I have been incredibly busy sorting out Tibs birthday presents...
I got him a bunch of cool stuff. And I'm making him a companion cube cake!!!!!! But don't tell him, because I know he never goes on facebook, and thats why its safe posting this on here, because its likely he'll never see it.
ALSO. Hes sitting right behind me right now - but hes too enveloped in playing some weird game on his DS. Speaking of games, I got him lego harry potter 2 on PS3 also, but that was kind of a selfish present, because I got it for him because we had so much fun playing the last one together!

Seriously. Harry potter. Omg.

Teddy bears picnic

I made dinner last night - fresh snapper fillets pan cooked with lemon pepper, garlic and paprika, sweet corn and Kumara chips with rosemary and oregano. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM delicious! 

But thats not what Im here for, is it? NO. IT'S NOT!

Im here to tell you about something amazing that happened! Something so brilliant that even superman would be impressed. Something that will blow your mind inside out and back to front, its 10 times cooler than sliced bread and 50 times more dramatic than Shakespeare. 

You'll still be screaming in excitement in 5 weeks from now because its just that amazing. 

ITS THE WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

 SO exciting!

But I guess that since its already saturday, and tomorrow is sunday, then that means the weekend is pretty much over. So It's not really that exciting at all when you think about it. Its pretty lame. 

But whats not lame, is that Im going to be a face painter at the teddy bears picnic tomorrow - thats pretty darn cool. My co-painter of the faces will be none other than THIS PERSON. 

Im wondering what I should have on my face though, last time I was a painter there 'THIS PERSON' painted my face for me and I looked like an idiot - but a happy idiot.

This year I'll paint my own face - but how should I have it? If my face is too scary then the kids wont want me to paint them, and they'll cry and they're tears will ruin my master pieces on they're faces. I want to do my brilliant fish on the face,

 but I think that may even be a bit much for pathetic little children who've been baby'ed all they're lives (Im meaning the older ones, not the actual babies, they're allowed to be pathetic).

Maybe I should just paint myself as a lame fairy and leave it at that. Playing the boring but safe option is probably the best... Sigh.

- Last night, I had a foot plonked on on my lap, and it said to me;

"I am the foot of knowledge, heed my words"

Watermelon

Last week I bought a bunch of groceries from the super market - asperusual.
I had a mental conversation whilst there 'I love water melon! But I wont eat a whole one by myself, and nobody else in my family eats fruit EVER. If i buy a half one I know I'll eat it all - but if theres only a  half, it will run out too fast and I'll be left with nothing!'
I decided to buy 3/4 of a water melon instead - One half, and one quarter. Good decision! Surely I'll have no trouble with that much?

When I got home from shopping, I had the dilemma of not enough arms to carry all the groceries out of the car at once. I naturally, I  did the rational thing and made two trips.


Screw that! I loaded it all up onto one arm while I got out of the car and locked it. As I was walking down the driveway (thinking about how boss I was for managing not to drop any), I was shuffling the food out onto both my arms to even it out and I dropped the 1/4 melon - then in my panic, I dropped ALL the other groceries trying to catch it.
The majority of the items got through this unscathed, but the quarter melon (which I failed to catch. btw) was smashed into a pulp on the concrete.....
But, LUCKILY it was thoroughly wrapped in gladwrap! Nothing actually touched the ground, so I took it inside, and ate ALL of it - my reasoning being that it will go off faster if its smashes up.... not sure why that seemed logical at the time.....but it tasted good, and thats all that matters in the end.

What made me type this out, is that Im currently eating a 1/4 melon that I bought yesterday! Im eating it on my bed - over my new douve cover that I swore I'd never eat over. OH WELL.