Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Driv'n aroun' town

Im about to embark on a terribly DANGEROUS journey, which I may not make it back alive. I'll bring whatever survival items I can carry, but all I can do is hope and prey that luck falls upon me and I scrape through with most of my limbs intact...

I hate the motorway. Just HATE it. Its so unpredictable, and most people who drive on it are complete wankers, who only care about themselves and they'll be damned if your car is infront of theirs!
I mean, I try to avoid gridlock traffic time of the day, but I did get caught in the 'going home after work' traffic last time. Maaaaan people are impatient.
They're lucky I'm a patient person, or I'd have got out of the car, and stabbed the person behind me in the face! That way the traffic would definitely stop moving and they would THEN find out what traffic really is.

Anyway, I'm driving to my aunties today - staying till Saturday. I'm bringing the knitted jumper that my nana made for the baby, and the little wee soft toy monkey that Tib and I are giving the baby too.
I've been knitting it a patch quilt blanket.... My goodness... Knitting is SO SLOW. I feel like I've made a tone of squares for the blanket, but I've only made like, 6 of them.

ANYWAY. I need a shower (In preparation for my drive AAAAHHHHHHH)

When I grow up

You know, it's weird because it's not like I want to go out into the big old world, but that doesn't stop me from saying things like "when I have kids Im not going to let them be fussy about dinner  - they either eat it or they get it shoved in their face.... even if it is boiling hot soup..... Atleast they'll learn quickly not to complain"
Or "when I have my own house, every walls going to be a different colour and there will be a fridge next to the shower incase I get some cleanly muchies and need to chow down a slice of water melon while Im shaving my legs"

Or even simple things like "when Im 95, I'll still be driving John around" (For those who don't know, John is my wee V dub polo. He's pink and adorable. He's called John Locke - after the AWESOME character off lost - because my poor car has this weird problem where the passenger doors lock sticks. Also when I first saw John he was running and we closed the door, then he locked us out WHILE he was still going)...

I've started this box of stuff that I'm collecting for when I do go to drown myself in the wide world (come on guys! lets go flatting, it'll be funGLUG GLUG SOMEBODY SAVE ME)
Its grown into two boxes now. They're filled with things that I see and go "Wow. I love that!" but its unlikely I'll ever see it again.
Usually weird things, like spoons with faces or something....

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Liquidated ants....

So.. I was going through this cupboard in the laundry today. Since were moving house again, all the random junk needs to get sorted through. Anyway, in this cupboard was all the things that don't really have a place - like shoe polish and flea treatments and carpet cleaner. There was also this ant poison...

Isn't that a confusing name for an ant poison? It sounds like its a poison specifically for 'liquid ants'. What ever they are.....
People should label their products more clearly, this could have caused many potential ant killing customers to not buy this. They'd be looking through the poison section of the super market being like 'slug poison... child poison..... weed poison... Aaah here we go. Ant poison! Oh wait, this is for Liquidated ants only, darn.... Sorry kids. I guess the ants are here to stay!"

Saturday, July 2, 2011

AAAAAAAARRGHHHH ITTCHY

Fxcking mossies and their stupid blood sucking tendencies with their STUPID cousins the the fleas! They think they're so 'coooool' with their ... their WINGS and their... stupid... bug... ness......
Well they're NOT cool.
They're not! You hear me?

I thought they died off other the winter anyway? What the hell. Why are they ravaging my legs. WHY. GO DIE LIKE YOUR MEANT TO YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE THINGS.
I only have like two bites atm, but I had three last week! From fleas!!! Bastard fleas.... I de-flead the dogs because I was getting bitten from the carpet dwelling fleas that wait for the dogs to come inside.

I'm just lucky that I don't have a weird need to rub my face on the carpet or something (some people do that. Its like having a nervous twitch. They're halfway through a sentence then BAM! Face Vs Carpet duel) because When I get bites on my face I look F'd up. Not kidding, like, I think the mossies in my part of town have figured this out because they go for the face when I sleep.
My cheek and eyelids are the favourite targets.
My eye lids swell up and go a bit blue, like I've been punched in the face. Its not like a normal mossie bite swelling, its SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THAT. And the cheek bites also swell and go blue and/or purple.
These are older photos, and the bottom pic is later during the day when the swelling started going down and I could partially open it!! I had to go to the doctors and get there stupid pills to make it go down, and it still took 3 days.
I get into alot of bar fights when I sleep, thats my usual excuse for why I wake up with that.

I just realised that I was typing this with hunched shoulders. Like, I'd just lost my neck or something. I'll blame the mossies for that one too - its a defense mechanism. Like, OMG MY FACE! I'LL TRY SHEILD IT BY ROLLING MY NECK SKIN OVER IT!!! ... That would be weird.

Oh yeah... Im meant to be at my grand parents house. BYE

JAM

I feel like I need to write a post, because I have a lot on my mind  - like, cakes and babies and teeth and stomach acids and cold and petrol and people and stuff.
But really, none of those things are particularly in my head in a way that I want to share with the world. So you know what?
I think I'm going to bake some cookies. We have no choc chips, which sucks, but we do have raspberry jam. Thanks to me. Other people may have wanted strawberry or plum jam, but I was INSISTENT on having raspberry because although those who aren't experienced in the field of baking jam bickies wouldn't know this, the jam MUST be raspberry. Must.

Well. It doesn't really have to be, because the biscuits will still rise normally and taste alright with any old boring jam. BUT IM MAKING THEM.
YOU WANNA EAT THEM.
I GET MY JAM.

Those are the baking rules and there's NO EXCEPTIONS. Tib helped me make my last batch, and they didn't have raspberry jam on (Oh the horror!). I keep typing 'ham' on accident.
Imagine if you could have flavoured ham. Wouldn't that be disgusting?
Actually, wouldn't it be pointless? Whats the point in having jam flavoured ham? Or ham flavoured jam? Pork flavoured chicken? Candy-floss flavoured broccoli?

But chicken bacon is entirely acceptable.

EUGH. I just google imaged 'bacon' and it came up with Bacon and chocolate ice cream.
WHY?! Bacon is delicious. Chocolate is delicious. Ice cream is delicious. LET THEM BE DELICIOUS ON THEIR OWN.