Dear.. all.

Hello everyone, this is to specific people, to everyone and to myself.

Firstly, dear 'certain other'.
I can tell, although I haven't seen you in a few weeks (my bad) that your struggling. And I can also tell that you may be having a similar trouble that I am, over thinking. And it can make you feel empty or lonely, even when your with everyone you care about in the middle of a mosh pit surrounded by bunnies and rainbows. I know. And a solution to that is having some kind of routine, I reckon, a little something that will keep you, and your silly little over working brain, busy. Like going to work.
Or school.

I find that I really do miss school... I don't miss waking up early, or practice essays; What I miss is the routine. Going through the motions of school could make me want to explode on some days, but it would be welcoming at the moment.
Id welcome it even just to get the 'thank god its friday!' feeling again. Now its 'thank god its... what day is it? Oh who cares. They're all the same'.

Another this I miss is writing. Anything. Any kind of writing at all, I feel silly when I write creative writing stories for no reason (thats why I've only ever done it once, and it was only a page long), F writing essays, and for some weird reason I don't write on my blog anymore. Why? I don't know.
Blogging is a wonderful way to unwind. Its like... like... well. Its like complaining.

I good healthy dose of complaining can lighten your mood dramatically if you know how to do it right!
But. Right now, I'm running low on complaints.
Maybe ask me in half an hour? Oh no wait. Im hoping to be asleep then.
I've already brushed my teeth and tucked myself into bed.
Horray routine teeth brushing!

Goodnight world!

I missed my thought train! Crap!

Oh dear! It seems I've missed my thought train today and have had to walk to wherever my thoughts are trying to go.
Thats unfortunate because I can't use that excuse tomorrow when school starts again.

My teacher would be like "why haven't you done any work?!",

I'd simply reply, "Well miss, my brain is absent today. It missed the train to school"
Surely she would understand, after all she does the role every day. She knows all about 'absent'. So long as I ensure her that my brain isn't playing truant, she might not even want a note from my brains parents to explain the absence.
Or. Maybe I'd simply reply with silence.

But who cares! There is only two days left of school and then I am right back onto holidays again! How wonderful.
I wouldn't have minded a few extra days - no, Its not that I enjoy the hideousness of getting up early in the morning. Its that, with my photography, I could really use the extra time to talk over how Im going to progress my work.

Straight from the book

I have this book, I take it wit me from mums to dads every week. Its for when Im not able to go on the computer but I really feel like writing in my blog - or just writing period really.
I wrote this about two nights ago.

It's funny really, life. That thing that we spend all our time living.
People talk about living our life the right way - do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that, do this in a way that does that without doing this to that.
But WHO is so perfectly wonderful to say what life should and shouldn't be?
Sometimes having a shit childhood means the adult result will be more understanding of the poor, more caring and respectful to those around them. You know, because they know what its like to be trampled.
Then, others with a shit childhood grow up to be murderous thugs.
Whats the difference? what went wrong with the failed result, and what went right with the good guy?

Well, in the words of my most spectacular and brilliantly nutty but totally lovable mother,
"You sail your own ship"
Don't sail it into the ground, underwater, into rocks, shark infested waters etc

Its your own choice how you interpret and react to different situations, information and people.
If you take me for example; some people would (and have) said I'm an idiot. I mean, look at all the shiznit that spills out of my mouth! People could think I'm a few sandwiches short of a picnic basket.
I mean... The whole time I've been writing this I've had my mini lotsa lotsa legs on my head.
But others say I'm a laugh and a half, or unique.
Actually, my most common one is 'different'.

I choose to react to being called different in a positive way, why would I want to be the same as everyone else? To be normal?
There should be more people out there with lotsa legs on their heads, or other objects. Other soft toys, maybe. I find they stay easier. Maybe a snoozem. Who knows.

*holds up wine glass with M&M's*
To being different.


Alrighty, well that was my book section. In reference to today and the time I'm writing right at this moment. RIGHT NOW. Things are a smidge different. School is like drilling a screw into your brain and then attaching it to the mains of your house. Its ELECTRICALLLLLLL.
Nah, its painful. Unpleasant.
Mufti day tomorrow, oh yay! Wonderful! I get to hate school in clothes I like! I suppose it takes schools suckyness levels down a notch or two, I mean, atleast I wont be cold right? theres an up point?
Unless it snows - which I wouldn't put it past school. Im sure that it can manage that somehow. All the staff room fridges can have chemical reactions with the... the air, and like, grow to be massive, and they can just have fridge dandruff on all us helpless students.

Its like, even though I'm doing nothing right now. I'm still stressed because I know that theres so much work at school waiting for me to do it, just laughing maniacally. Rocking back and forth in a papery school work filled corner mumbling that its work and its going to drag my kicking and screaming brain out of bed and into the freezing cold to do it.

Oh. And dentist tomorrow. I've taken to calling them 'bitchass mother fuckers' because it makes me feel a little better about the fact that I'm going to have to walk in and sit on that horrible leather chair while they drill holes into my teeth and shove needles into my gums. They will shove lots of NEELDES into my mouth. MY mouth. NEEDLES. Ugh.
Ill bite their needles off - If I could grow some balls. Then again, tomorrows Tuesday and Im a man on Tuesdays...
These ones better give me something better than free mini toothpaste if they want me to not yell at their receptionists.

I hate dentists.
I hate school.
I... well. I don't hate cold.

Orangejar

One year down, however many to go? - 1st January 2010

Here we are again, at the beginning of a new year, I've only done this 17 times in my life, and sometimes that feels like its a bit much. The new years thing can get a little, old. I mean yeah, yaaaay party party! its a new beginning! new years reSolutions!
But we all know that pretty much any new years reSolution we set, doesn't get kept.
I personally have made two for this coming year. One of which I have no intention of trying to complete, the other I will try, but I don't expect to succeed, that way its not disappointing when or if I don't manage to achieve it.
You can choose which is which, mine are;
To gain excellence in my photography boards of 2010
To bake 118 cupcakes by Tuesday (today being Friday)

Now, I'm sitting here, at 10 to 10, things are pretty alright. You know, nothing too fantastic happening around me. Theres a moro bar to my left and paper towels to my right.. Since I already ate so many chocolates its not funny, the paper towels are actually more interesting. Which is kinda sad. Uhh.. I should probably go to bed - or at least bedroom, since I've been intending to tidy it for the past... past week or so. I actually started tidying it about an hour or so ago. But I got a text from my dear friend who I wont mention the name of. They wanted to talk to me about stuff. So I ditched my room-tidying and graced them with my presence - kidding, I went upstairs cause they weren't in the best mood and I wanted them to cheer up.

Unfortunately, I failed in the act of cheering them up. And while I was speaking to them I drew this totally mental picture. Somehow it reflects the feelings I had while I was talking to that person... its a sad picture. So. IF by chance somehow that person happens to be reading this, then, Im sorry I couldn't fix things..

Uhh.. mind block. I feel like just giving up on this post and saying 'happy new years everyone!' but that seems pretty effortless to be totally honest. Tbth. And I know that even though I don't sound too incredibly excited about it being a new year because of the failing idea of 'new years resolutions'. Its still good because believe it or not, this year really will be all about new beginnings. My mum is getting re-married in February. Which is good, even though she already acts married lol.
I mean she pretty much has no life (no offense mum), she spends every moment of every second doing her friggen garden.
Oh the flowers have to match! Do you think my vegetable garden looks good? the cucumbers are looking a little dead... I got some new canna lilies! canna lilies canna lilies canna lilies! CANNA LILIES!!!! I WANT SOME MORE CANNA LILIES!
But honestly, shes great.

Im not sure when my dad and his fiancé are getting re-married. Its not this year, I know that much. It will be later cause theyre doing the whole 'well wait till the kids leave' school thingy. Which is okay. I mean. I leave school like... WOW SHOOT! I LEAVE SCHOOL AT THE END OF THIS YEAR!!!!!
that was an un-expected realisation. Oh well! Id better make the most of it aye?