Peanut butter dilemma

I don't understand what sort of MONSTER came up with the ridiculous Idea of having so many different brands of peanut butter.
I mean seriously, what sort of game do they think their playing at? I think its just disgusting that they would try and confuse their own customers so much that they just ... just.... just STOP eating any forms of peanut butter!

Because thats whats happening! people all over the world are refusing to eat peanut butter!!
Not just me. Seriously. Its like, millions of people everywhere.
Honest.
..

Stop looking at me like that, Im not lying. Its a massive world wide peanut butter strike.


Okay fine, its just me. I think.
But yeah, we had this peanut butter that I fell head over heels inlove with right, I ate it all day everyday.
It got to the point where I would eat it in my sleep, and film myself eating it so that I could remember all the beautiful and memorable times I had with that amazing peanut butter.

But one day I come home from school and go to get my peanut butter...
but theres a new jar of peanut butter sitting there beside it. I wasn't sure what to do in this situation. I mean, was my love trying to offer me a threesome? Or was this just a coincidence that they were both there at the same time?
Admittedly, I felt incredibly guilty picking up this.. this newer.. fuller... cleaner... mesmerizing version of MY peanut butter.
Just the feel of its jar was so smooth, so round..
I can't believe I did it. I had it on toast. And it was DISGUSTING. I suppose thats proof that things that are pretty on the outside aren't always pretty on the inside..

But anyway, I got put off peanut butter for a good few weeks. I was avoiding her calls, not replying to her messages, and even eating vegemite as a replacement (nothing against vegemite, but it just wasn't the same as my peanut butter!)

So today, I decided to face up to my mistakes and go talk to her about it. Sort this whole mess out you know? Fix things back to how they SHOULD be.
I went to the pantry, opened the doors... and Oh no. The other peanut butters there, but she's not. I assumed she'd found out what I'd done and left me for good. I thought our relationship was over..

Then I saw an empty peanut butter jar.